


Survival Is a Talent

by gottagofast



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Gen, Hyper Vigilance, Nightmares, Paranoia, Scared!Stiles, basically he's playing out really violent fears through scotts new powers, distrust of his best friend, seeing things that aren't there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-15
Updated: 2013-08-15
Packaged: 2017-12-23 13:29:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/927024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gottagofast/pseuds/gottagofast
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>stiles can't find it in him to calm down, he can't find a place in him that trusts scott now, can't find a mindset where <i>scott has the ability to kill you, and the drive to do it</i> isn't playing on a constant loop in the back of his head. what're you supposed do when the thing you fear most in the world thinks he's protecting you?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Survival Is a Talent

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [part of a quote taken from here](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/26084) by mari aconits. 



> _sometimes it's hard to tell the difference_  
>  between the ones who love you  
> and the ones who will eat you alive

stiles has his headphones in and the music turned up so loud scott could probably hear it from all the way down the street if he weren't already standing on stiles front porch banging on the front door. he takes too long to answer it, stretching out the precious few seconds he still has alone in his room where he feels safe before he has to walk downstairs and open the door to the guy on his doorstep who looks like his best friend.

it's been taking him longer and longer to force himself out of his room and to turn on the porch light and to unlock the deadbolt and let him in, whenever scott comes knocking. it didn't bother him in the beginning. the first time he said it - 'scott, you're a creature of the night' - it was in awe at what this meant for them, though he wasn't really sure of what that was in the first place. the initial excitement didn't die down until scott made out with the girl he'd been in love with since third grade and then tried to kill him, all in under three hours.

so yeah stiles was shaken, the werewolf thing wasn't that cool anymore if it meant _dying_ from it and he might've talked big when scott was handcuffed to his radiator but the moment of absolute animal panic when he opened the door and scott was gone would've had a grown man locking himself in his basement to wait out the night, but stiles didn't. he still can't figure out why not.

ms. morrell asks him sometimes to talk to her about what he fears most, 'tell me about your demons, stiles' and stiles' thoughts are immediately drawn to his fathers drinking. soccer moms in grocery stores who thought stiles couldn't hear them on the other side of the display talked about his dads _demons_ after his mom died, how he was just trying to survive and yeah it was true but when you're thirteen and helpless against the things eating at the frayed edges of your life you don't think _at least they have the facts right_. you think _i wonder what they would do if their spouses died of a slow building illness_ , or _how would they cope as a single parent raising a kid with a thousand different disorders._

stiles leaves the store without buying anything that night because he can't breathe until the doors shut behind him. he's halfway home before he worries about what his dad will do, but when he gets home his dad has passed out on the couch with the news playing on the tv in the background.

but no matter how many times she asks stiles can't give her a straight answer. how do you talk about your demons when they're sitting on your lungs. how do you sit down in somebody's office and tell them _i think about what it would be like to be dead_ or tell them your demons knock on your door and climb in your window and tell you _stiles something's wrong_.

_how can you tell scott?_ sometimes stiles thinks he can smell his fear.

what could she do for stiles when the thing that follows him in the shadows and haunts him in his dreams, tugs on his ankle when it hangs over the edge of the bed, what is he supposed to do when its his best friend opening the closet door while he's asleep.

stiles' nightmare walks up to him in the halls at school and asks him _stiles what am i going to do?_ and stiles first instinct is to keep a solid ten foot radius between him and his best friend (who could kill him in the blink of an eye). he hasn't though, killed him, doesn't that mean something, doesn't that mean scott's been able to repress the animal urge to kill long enough for his tenuous grip on his self-control to grow weak enough to snap. how do you explain the crushing paranoia and hyper vigilance to a school psychiatrist when the thing that could kill you helped you pass woodwork in grade nine.

instead of crying out in fear when he wraps his hand around stiles shoulder and he can feel the prick of his claws catch on his shirt, he's forced to grit his teeth and control the racing of his heart and tell him _it's gonna be okay scott, we'll figure it out._ how do you figure yourself out of this one stilinski?

what're you supposed do when the thing you fear most in the world thinks he's protecting you? he can't save you from the monster you see flashing behind his eyes whenever they catch the light. every time you laugh, a little incredulously, and say _scott, you're my best friend. you're a creature of the night_ and he laughs quietly beside you but he doesn't see the way your hands in your pockets shake.

so it's easier to lock the doors and kill the lights when scott comes around now. stiles knows scott can hear his heart beating because he can hear his heart beating in his throat, pounding in his head, throbbing behind his eyelids. he walks around the house calling stiles' name for a long time, knocking on all the doors. his calls get weaker and the time between them stretches farther apart the longer he's left waiting until finally stiles thinks he might be gone. the guilt by then has started to suffocate him again, he can't breathe sitting in the basement between whats left of his mothers best wine and boxes of files - taxes and old school projects, probably.

outside scott sounds like a seventeen year old boy who can't get ahold of his best friend when he needs him and stiles almost loses his resolve listening to his heavy footsteps on the porch. he hears one last knock on the front door and 'i'll be at my house' and a heartbeat later, softer 'stiles?'. he hears scott's voice catch on his name, and stiles wants to turn on all the lights and throw open the door before he can leave, rubbing his eyes and yawning, telling him 'scott, buddy, i fell asleep, what's up?' but he can't, he can't do it.

scott could never understand how terrifying he is to stiles now, even if he tried. scott had been scared at the school the night they were trapped but he hadn't been human. stiles had been pissing-his-pants afraid and scott would never be able to relate to the kind of bone deep fear stiles felt because at his core was an animal to fight back when the human couldn't.

scott will never feel the chill in stiles' spine when his voice deepens until he speaks in short barks and growls and will never understand how the angry glint in his eyes isn't human anymore, how it has crossed over to murderous. he isn't recognizable when he's angry anymore. stiles only remembers one incident before the bite when scott was really angry and he'd punched a locker hard enough to hurt himself and then laughed at himself until he wheezed. 

the last time scott got angry he'd tried to kill stiles. 

stiles can't find it in him to calm down, he can't find a place in him that trusts scott now, can't find a mindset where _scott has the ability to kill you, and the drive to do it_ isn't playing on a constant loop in the back of his head. now its his life on the line and opening the doors and flinging open all the windows would mean taking full responsibility if he turned right around and slashed open his throat.

when stiles reaches out to pull himself up and can't get a grip on anything solid, he looks at his white knuckles and his shaking hands and he realizes, no, there is safety in keeping your head off the chopping block.

stiles waits another five minutes before he leaves the basement and then he turns on all the lights and watches old cartoons in the living room until three in the morning before dragging himself up the stairs to bed and falling asleep on top of the covers curled up tight in the middle of the bed. he keeps the windows and doors locked just in case.

scott almost dies alone in the middle of the woods, and he drags himself out of the forest and in through the back door. he tries not to get blood on anything that'll stain when he goes to take a shower. he falls asleep naked on top of the covers with his body pulled in tight against himself in the middle of the bed. scott leaves his window open just in case.

**Author's Note:**

> i was watching malcolm in the middle and out of nowhere i just really wanted to edit something i'd written, like, forever ago. it probably needs to be edited a second time because my first draft was so sketchy this was more like writing a whole new piece but whatever, im okay with this.
> 
> its another character study, but longer this time. scared!stiles is cool, but i still prefer 'the boy who runs with wolves' trope.
> 
> i was listening to 'wake' by the antlers when i wrote this (there's even a line from the song in there if you can find it)
> 
> hmu me up on tumblr at halehouseparty


End file.
